Tuesday, March 2, 2010

Eager to Clear Myself

Godly sorrow brings repentance that leads to salvation and leaves no regret, but worldly sorrow brings death. See what this godly sorrow has produced in you: what earnestness, what eagerness to clear yourselves, what indignation, what alarm, what longing, what concern, what readiness to see justice done. 2 Corinthians 7: 10-11
The above scripture and Beth Moore's brief commentary on it from my bible study homework have been winding their way into my thoughts and prayers often.  Then, I read this post on Nora's blog, which gave voice to some of my own pondering.  (God is always so faithful to find me where ever I am seeking Him.)

Over this past year, God has given me victories over strongholds of sin in some areas.  And I am forever grateful for His work!  But, some strongholds still remain, I regret to admit.  There are some sins that are so ingrained in me that it would cause much pain to allow God to extract.  There are some that bring me a warped sense of satisfaction, even.  To be brutally honest, I am downright afraid to allow God to bring brokenness in some areas.  I feel as if I have set up this house of cards, sin piled on top of sin, and I am afraid of the mess it will make if it were to come tumbling down if He removed one of these.
When I kept silent, my bones wasted away
through my groaning all day long.

For day and night your hand was heavy upon me;
my strength was sapped as in the heat of summer.
Then I acknowledged my sin to you and did not cover up my iniquity. 

I said, "I will confess my transgressions to the LORD "
and you forgave the guilt of my sin.   Psalm 32: 3-5
Oh, my strength is sapped and my groaning has gone on for too long.  In His love, God has been faithful to keep His hand heavy upon me.  I certainly have confessed these familiar sins to the Lord many times but I now understand what my repentance has lacked- Godly sorrow.  And so I have begin praying for just that- a Godly sorrow about these sins that will lead to true repentance.

I have been spending more time in worship and prayer this week.  I have been crying out to Him through tears, inviting Him to search my heart and asking for Godly sorrow over my sins.  Even though I am afraid of the dismantling that may have to take place, my desire for freedom and victory are stronger than that fear.  His perfect love is enough to cast out that fear.  Since I know the things I am asking for are in accordance with His will and are offered in His name, He will do them.  So I am standing on that promise and waiting in expectancy for the coming victory.
"Blessed is he whose transgressions are forgiven,
whose sins are covered.
Blessed is the man
whose sin the LORD does not count against him
 and in whose spirit is no deceit."  Psalm 32: 1-2
The Hebrew word for "blessed" in this verse means "blissfully happy"- WOW!  So, not only am I promised forgiveness and covering but when I come to Him in true repentance with Godly sorrow, I will be blissfully happy.
 "Those who sow in tears will reap with songs of joy."  Psalm 126: 5  

1 comment:

Anne said...

Blissfully happy-I love that! It' so hard isn't it, to truly know our sins AND to be sorry for them? I appreciate the honesty of this post. I'm sure that God has heard your prayer through these words and forgiven you already, because just to acknowledge our sinfulness and to hope for a way to avoid future sins is already a firm path to reconciliation with the Lord.


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