Tuesday, August 24, 2010

Today

On Monday, I thanked Him for carrying me through the week despite chronic tooth pain and a root canal on Friday.  Today I tried to handle it all on my own- and it didn't work out so well.

I had an appointment today to finish the root canal procedure and hopefully put an end to the pain.  I was at church this morning when the dentist office called.  I had just finished working and was corralling two of my three children to head home when I realized my car keys were missing.  Since I have done this twice before I assumed they were locked in my office.  That's when they called to cancel my appointment.  The dentist was apparently sick and they did not know when she would be back to work.  They had no one covering for her and no one to refer me to.  I just started crying right there.  I was tired, stressed, in pain, locked out of my car, and bordering on late for picking up my oldest from the one week of camp he's had this summer.

After a few minutes of searching and some frantic phone calls to get my son picked up on time, I found the keys.  They were not locked in my office after all.  But the damage had been done.  I was a mess.  I snapped at my children and wallowed in anger and self-pity.

I had put my faith in this dentist to fix my problem.  It was ever before me all week.  I knew there was going to be an end to the pain on Tuesday evening.  As long as I had that before me, I could bear the pain. With that hope gone, I succumbed.  And I acted like a selfish, cranky woman for the rest of the day.  I withdrew into myself and neglected my children emotionally.

I am disappointed with how I handled this.  I wish I had stopped all the rushing around and simply prayed for His peace and perspective.  But I had gotten wound up too far.  I'm not sure why I am sharing all this.  It occurred to me, though, that I do appreciate when other women are vulnerable and transparent- baring their weaknesses and faults.  It reminds me that I am not alone- we ALL fall short.  So, I thought it might help someone else who fell short today to know that she is not alone.

Lord, thank You for the reminder to put my hope only in You.  Forgive me for my behavior today.  Help me to run to You right away in the future.  As soon as I feel the anger rise.  As soon as I start to wallow in self-pity, make me to cry out to You for help and mercy and grace to bear up under pressure.  I am convicted about my behavior, Lord, but am fighting off self-condemnation in Your name.  I lift up any of my sisters who might read this post and nod sadly and remember her own sin of the day.  Grant her mercy and peace and strength to get up tomorrow and begin again.  Thank You for mercies that are new each morning, Lord.  Thank You for GRACE, Lord.  Thank You, thank You, thank You!!!  In Jesus' name, amen.

6 comments:

Mary B said...

Bless you and thank you, Natalie!! I remember so many times feeling exactly what you describe. I will pray that you find the grace to endure your pain until the dentist gets better. I, too, find it helpful (?) for lack of a better word when women are transparent. We are, afterall, imperfect, human creatures...designed and formed by the Most High...we aren't junk, no matter how much we sin! Prayers for a better day today, Sister!!

Colleen said...

Oh yes. I have had days like that!! It is hard to be vulnerable but I agree that it is good to share so we know we are not alone. And YOU are definitely not alone. Hugs!

Natalie said...

Yes, Mary, we aren't junk- thank you for the reminder!!!

Natalie said...

Thanks for the encouragement, Colleen!

thesavingmomparents said...

Found you through HCB Thanks for this great post! ~Jessica

Natalie said...

Jessica, welcome and thank you for your sweet comment! Off to check out your blog :)

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