Caught

A fog descends.  It's hard to see where I am.  Harder to know how I got here.  To this chasm deep.  Heartbeat quickens and chest tightens.  I grope around for the way out.  Fear rises in my throat, tears blind.  Panicked hands try to climb the steep, slippery walls to escape but to no avail.  I collapse in a heap.  Alone.  Cold.  Tired.  Tears turned to sobs.

Has He forgotten His promises?   Of freedom, joy, peace, abundant life.  Or has He forgotten me?  Even in this place, I know He is able.  The wavering of faith comes with the next question.  Is He willing... for me?  I can feel my heart shattering.

I don't ask Him.  Another has answered the question for me already.  And though my head knows this one is a liar and the father of lies, I believe him.  I rehearse His lies and forget the words of Truth.

Faithful friends and husband rebuke his lies.  Speak Truth to me.  Promise to stand in the gap in prayer for me.  I listen- wanting to believe.  But confusion, discouragement and dismay continue.  The lies come fast and furious now and speak of my ineffectiveness, question my salvation, encourage walking away.

But now he's gone too far.  I know I could never walk away, I'm caught in His grace.  And slowly the fog begins to dissipate.   And I begin to speak to Him.  Pouring out my heart.  Asking the hard questions, the why questions.  And He begins to answer.. with His own questions.  Challenging me root out some more things from my heart.  And to move some obstacles from my path...unbelief, pride, idolatry, prayerlessness, legalism.

He calls me to bow low so He can lift me up.  So, I do.  And He does.  Slowly and tenderly.  Binding my wounds, opening my eyes, mending my broken heart with His promises which are all yes and amen.




Joining Emily in celebrating redemption and making a theology of the arts through my imperfect prose.