How I Saw Eternity in 124 Days

*A re-post from the archives in remembrance of my sweet "nephew" Jayden on the one year anniversary of his passing into the arms of Jesus.*

I hope you have seen the video my cousins made in celebration of their sweet baby Jayden, who went home to be with the Lord after 124 days of life here on this earth.  If you have not, please watch it first here before reading this post.

As I mentioned in that post, there are so many things I want to say about the experience of loving and losing Jayden.  God gave him to our family for a short time, but for a great purpose.  Part of Jayden's purpose was surely to change me.  In honor of him, I want to share with you how God used this precious baby to do that.

Before Jayden was even born, he began to change me.  During Christina's pregnancy, we were made aware of some concerns the doctors had about how Jayden was developing in utero.  Each time a concern was raised, we prayed and God removed the issue.  At the next sonogram, the concern would be gone!  Through Jayden, I learned how to really pray- fervent, unceasing, faith filled and unselfish prayers.  And because of him, I learned that God does still heal!  I saw Him miraculously heal JJ not once but twice. 

When Jayden was born and all seemed well, I was overjoyed!  When I saw his precious face in photos for the first time, the tears of thankfulness flowed.  Even now, as I look back, I thank God my cousins had a month of typical life with a newborn.  I pray that God has engraved the sweetness of that time on their hearts forever.

One afternoon, when JJ was about a month old, I got a phone call from Christina to let me know they were on their way to the hospital and to ask for prayer for Jayden.  Once again, it was time to persevere in prayer.  Through the ups and downs and the lack of answers from the doctors, Jayden taught me how to press on in prayer and to trust God with the result.  His life forced me to put my faith in action.  Do I really believe that with God all things are possible?  Do I really believe that God’s plan is perfect?

When God made a way for my cousins to bring Jayden home and I was able to meet him, I felt such great thankfulness for the opportunity.  Holding him for those brief moments were a gift I will never forget nor take for granted.  I will never forget his beautiful eyes, his round cheeks, his sweet smile and of course how he looked just like his daddy. 

During my visit, my cousins held a beautiful prayer service for Jayden.  I will never forget how they purposed to keep the mood light yet prayerful and reverent.  Their grace and peace spoke volumes to those of us looking on- both believers and non-believers.  As a believer, I was encouraged to see that God does indeed give special grace in our time of need.  And those who don’t believe saw a faith that was real, and how God could be loved, honored and glorified even as one walks through pain and fear.

When I got the phone call I had been praying against for so long, my heart broke.  But Jayden’s life and my cousins' response to his life and his death, once again taught me.  I learned, really learned, that life is a vapor.  This is not just head knowledge for me anymore.  Instead I feel that truth now with an ache in my heart.  My eyes have been opened to see that not one of us is promised tomorrow.  I have had to experience what that feels like and to watch my loved ones suffer because of it.  I have been forced to acknowledge how I have taken the precious gift of life for granted.  I have been inspired to change that- to become one who appreciates each moment of life- my own and my loved ones- as a gift. 

My cousins' determination to honor God by celebrating Jayden’s life despite their pain was beautiful!  Once again, I saw Him give them the special grace to do just that at JJ's Celebration of Life service.  From the music they chose, to the words of the pastor, to the incredible video, to Christina’s unscripted appeal onstage to all to come to know God, to the release of 124 balloons in celebration of his 124 days of life, they set the tone of celebration and faith in the midst of suffering and sorrow.  They lifted God and His goodness above all else and, in doing so, set an example for all of us who believe and planted a seed in the hearts of those who do not.

The truth is, I wish with everything in me, that Jayden was still with us.  That our prayers had been answered differently and I could have rejoiced to watch him toddling through my cousins' yard as we enjoyed our annual week together in the summer.  I mourn with them.  I weep with them.  But praise God that we do not grieve like those who have no hope!  We know where JJ is- in the arms of our Jesus.  And we know that he is healed and whole.  We know that we will see him again- and this time it will not be for a vapor but for eternity.

I don’t know how to do this.  How to grieve a sweet little cousin.  How to love my cousins well.  How to minister at this time.  I only know this.  That I love my cousins and their family so very much.  And that He loves them exceedingly and abundantly more than I ever could.  So I simply trust that they will come through this stronger and more equipped to do His will.  And I ask Him to give me what I need to be there for them.  

Thank you, Christina and Jason, for sharing Jayden with me.  I am forever changed because of him!

A Chasing After the Wind

As I listen to the news, scroll through my News Feed on Facebook and navigate blogs following the inconceivable evil wrought on Friday morning in Newtown, CT, this is what keeps rising up in my mind:  

"I have seen all the things that are done under the sun; all of them are meaningless, a chasing after the wind.  What is twisted cannot be straightened, what is lacking cannot be counted."  Ecclesiastes 1: 14-15

Twenty fresh-faced, rosy-cheeked lives were snuffed out in an act of carnage so repugnant, one cannot bear to think on it too long without a visceral response.  Six brave, selfless women- mothers, daughter, aunts, sisters, wives, friends- were prematurely ripped from this earth.  Countless family members, friends and survivors have been forever marred by staggering trauma and loss.  

We cry out about gun control and mental illness and prescription drugs.  Politicians make impassioned promises to right all that is wrong with this world with their policies and laws.  But the hard truth is this: what is twisted cannot be straightened, what is lacking cannot be counted.  

No amount of dialogue or legislation or research or best practices can restrain the evil that can be borne out of the human heart.  We are a twisted people living in a fallen world.  

Our ONLY hope is not found in anything we can do to save us from ourselves.  Our futile attempts to do so are meaningless, a chasing after the wind.

No, our ONLY hope is found in the God of the Bible.  Our ONLY hope is found in the Father who loved us so much that He sent His only Son to take the penalty for our sin.  Our ONLY hope is found in the Holy Spirit who gives us power to live a godly life.  Our ONLY hope is in the ONLY One who can straighten our twisted hearts and make our lives count despite all we lack in our own strength.  

Today, we weep with those who weep.  We pray and cry out to the God of all comfort to heal the broken-hearted and to be close to those who are crushed in spirit.  We share God's love whenever and however we can.  It's the only appropriate response in this hour.

Soon, yes, there will be honest dialogue about gun control, mental illness, and prescription drugs.  And spirit-filled believers must enter in to these dialogues, using the principles from God's Word and the wisdom He gives us to make a difference in this world.  However, we must never be blinded to the truth in this process.  The truth that only God can bring the full restoration our hearts long for and we must never waver in this message.  

"Now all has been heard;   here is the conclusion of the matter: Fear God and keep his commandments, for this is the whole duty of man.  For God will bring every deed into judgment,  including every hidden thing,whether it is good or evil."  Ecclesiastes 12:13-14  

There is a day, and it's coming soon, when He will right every wrong and wipe every tear from our eyes.   

"And in despair, I bowed my head.  There is no peace on earth, I said.  For hate is strong and mocks the song of peace on earth, good will to men.  Then pealed the bells more loud and deep: God is not dead nor doth He sleep.  The wrong shall fail, the right prevail.  With peace on earth, good will to men."  from I Heard the Bells on Christmas Day

Wisdom from Above

"The wise in heart are called discerning, and pleasant words promote instruction." Proverbs 16:21

This Wednesday morning during my Quiet Time, I pulled out the study cards I had created during the time I spent doing Beth Moore's Breaking Free Bible study awhile back.  Wednesday morning followed a particularly convicting meeting I attended on Tuesday evening.  The Holy Spirit just would not let me ignore some patterns I had slipped back into anymore.

If I think about it, He started prompting my heart on this issue back on Saturday, actually, but I put it all together on Wednesday.  Saturday was our church's annual Women's Retreat, and the topic was drawn from Colossions 1:9:

"For this reason, since the day we heard about you, we have not stopped praying for you and asking God to fill you with the knowledge of his will through all spiritual wisdom and understanding."  

Or perhaps, He's been trying to get my attention on this subject for over a week now.  Last Thursday, during my Quiet Time, He reminded me of this: 

"Who is wise and understanding among you? Let him show it by his good life, by deeds done in the humility that comes from wisdom.  But if you harbor bitter envy and selfish ambition in your hearts, do not boast about it or deny the truth. Such “wisdom” does not come down from heavenbut is earthly, unspiritual, of the devil. For where you have envy and selfish ambition, there you find disorder and every evil practice.  But the wisdom that comes from heaven is first of all pure; then peace-loving, considerate, submissive, full of mercy and good fruit, impartial and sincere. Peacemakers who sow in peace raise a harvest of righteousness."  James 3: 13-17

There has been much frustration here lately.  My children have been argumentative, whiny, complaining, tattling, provoking one another.  And I have failed to instruct them well.  Instead, in my exhaustion and to be frank laziness, I have either ignored the issues or reacted out of anger.  My words have not been pleasant.  They have not been derived from a consistent asking for and seeking wisdom from above.  They have not promoted instruction or peace, mercy or good fruit.

I am praying about how to begin addressing these weaknesses in my children.  I am praying that God would start this process by addressing my weaknesses.  I am praying for wisdom, discernment and follow through.  I am praying for pleasant words that promote instruction.

"The wise in heart are called discerning, and pleasant words promote instruction." Proverbs 16:21

Lord, fill me with the knowledge of Your will through all wisdom and spiritual understanding.  Give me heavenly wisdom, that is pure, peace-loving, considerate, submissive, full of mercy and good fruit, impartial and sincere.  Make me wise in heart.  Give me discernment.  Fill my mouth with pleasant words that promote instruction.  Thank You for speaking to me, Lord.  I trust that You will work in me, conforming me more and more into Your image.  In Jesus' name, amen.

Spilled Milk (or Water, Actually)

"And you, fathers, do not provoke your children to wrath, but bring them up in the training and admonition of the Lord."  Ephesians 6:4

No, I'm not a father, but I'm pretty sure that does not let me off the hook with this one.  The verse popped up in my News Feed on Facebook this morning.  

Right after I yelled at my poor oldest boy for spilling a glass of water all over the homeschool table and the pile of paperwork that I am working through today, even as he was already trying to mop up the mess.


*Sigh*  


I was thankful for His reminder.  It helped me to quickly repent and ask for forgiveness.  While He was quick to forgive, my boy took a little longer.  I understood why, I was out of line.  So I gave him the time and space he needed and before long we reconciled. 


The papers dried quickly, but the wound to his heart might take longer.  

Lord, give me grace to raise my children with patience and gentleness.  Help me to see what is truly important in each moment and to respond to that.  Give me self-control to push down frustration and anger and to respond with the love and grace You show me.  In Jesus' name, amen.


***It's been a long time since I last posted here!  Life as a homeschooling mama is busy and full.  I miss this space, but seldom have time to post here.  I do update our homeschooling blog fairly regularly, though, and I'd love to see you there: Our Great Homeschool Experiment***

How I Saw Eternity in 124 Days

I hope you have seen the video my cousins made in celebration of their sweet baby Jayden, who went home to be with the Lord after 124 days of life here on this earth.  If you have not, please watch it first here before reading this post.

As I mentioned in that post, there are so many things I want to say about the experience of loving and losing Jayden.  God gave him to our family for a short time, but for a great purpose.  Part of Jayden's purpose was surely to change me.  In honor of him, I want to share with you how God used this precious baby to do that.

Before Jayden was even born, he began to change me.  During Christina's pregnancy, we were made aware of some concerns the doctors had about how Jayden was developing in utero.  Each time a concern was raised, we prayed and God removed the issue.  At the next sonogram, the concern would be gone!  Through Jayden, I learned how to really pray- fervent, unceasing, faith filled and unselfish prayers.  And because of him, I learned that God does still heal!  I saw Him miraculously heal JJ not once but twice. 

When Jayden was born and all seemed well, I was overjoyed!  When I saw his precious face in photos for the first time, the tears of thankfulness flowed.  Even now, as I look back, I thank God my cousins had a month of typical life with a newborn.  I pray that God has engraved the sweetness of that time on my cousins' hearts forever.

One afternoon, when JJ was about a month old, I got a phone call from Christina to let me know they were on their way to the hospital and to ask for prayer for Jayden.  Once again, it was time to persevere in prayer.  Through the ups and downs and the lack of answers from the doctors, Jayden taught me how to press on in prayer and to trust God with the result.  His life forced me to put my faith in action.  Do I really believe that with God all things are possible?  Do I really believe that God’s plan is perfect?

When God made a way for my cousins to bring Jayden home and I was able to meet him, I felt such great thankfulness for the opportunity.  Holding him for those brief moments were a gift I will never forget nor take for granted.  I will never forget his beautiful eyes, his round cheeks, his sweet smile and of course how he looked just like his daddy. 

During my visit, my cousins held a beautiful prayer service for Jayden.  I will never forget how they purposed to keep the mood light yet prayerful and reverent.  Their grace and peace spoke volumes to those of us looking on- both believers and non-believers.  As a believer, I was encouraged to see that God does indeed give special grace in our time of need.  And those who don’t believe saw a faith that was real, and how God could be loved, honored and glorified even as one walks through pain and fear.

When I got the phone call I had been praying against for so long, my heart broke.  But Jayden’s life and my cousins' response to his life and his death, once again taught me.  I learned, really learned, that life is a vapor.  This is not just head knowledge for me anymore.  Instead I feel that truth now with an ache in my heart.  My eyes have been opened to see that not one of us is promised tomorrow.  I have had to experience what that feels like and to watch my loved ones suffer because of it.  I have been forced to acknowledge how I have taken the precious gift of life for granted.  I have been inspired to change that- to become one who appreciates each moment of life- my own and my loved ones- as a gift. 

My cousins' determination to honor God by celebrating Jayden’s life despite their pain was beautiful!  Once again, I saw Him give them the special grace to do just that at JJ's Celebration of Life service.  From the music they chose, to the words of the pastor, to the incredible video, to Christina’s unscripted appeal onstage to all to come to know God, to the release of 124 balloons in celebration of his 124 days of life, they set the tone of celebration and faith in the midst of suffering and sorrow.  They lifted God and His goodness above all else and, in doing so, set an example for all of us who believe and planted a seed in the hearts of those who do not.

The truth is, I wish with everything in me, that Jayden was still with us.  That our prayers had been answered differently and I could have rejoiced to watch him toddling through my cousins' yard as we enjoyed our annual week together in the summer.  I mourn with them,.  I weep with them.  But praise God that we do not grieve like those who have no hope!  We know where JJ is- in the arms of our Jesus.  And we know that he is healed and whole.  We know that we will see him again- and this time it will not be for a vapor but for eternity.

I don’t know how to do this.  How to grieve a sweet little cousin.  How to love my cousins well.  How to minister at this time.  I only know this.  That I love my cousins and their family so very much.  And that He loves them exceedingly and abundantly more than I ever could.  So I simply trust that they will come through this stronger and more equipped to do His will.  And I ask Him to give me what I need to be there for them.  

Thank you, Christina and Jason, for sharing Jayden with me.  I am forever changed because of him!

By Faith

You may remember that last January I started the Bible in 90 Days challenge with my friend, Andrea.  It was a wonderful experience, and one I hope to repeat in the future.  However, in keeping with my mission of limiting as much pressure as possible from my daily schedule to focus on this first year of homeschooling, I decided to take on a less daunting but hopefully just as fulfilling task this January.  While Andrea reads the Bible in 90 Days again, I am reading The Story in 90 Days.  We started on Monday and are holding one another accountable for keeping up with our daily reading through regular texts and encouragement.    


In case you are not familiar with The Story, it is basically a chronological compilation of all the major stories, prophecies, psalms and proverbs of the Bible.  It does not include every scripture verse in the Bible, but all of the prose in The Story are word for word verses from the NIV Bible.  The purpose of The Story is to tell the narrative of God and His people, making "the insistent claim that a loving God has sought you and provided a way of redemption- a way for you to enter a relationship with Him." (p. ix)


This morning as I began reading about Abraham, these verses really ministered to me and where I am in my faith journey right now:

"By faith Abraham, when called to go to a place he would later receive as his inheritance, obeyed and went, even though he did not know where he was going. By faith he made his home in the promised land like a stranger in a foreign country; he lived in tents, as did Isaac and Jacob, who were heirs with him of the same promise. For he was looking forward to the city with foundations, whose architect and builder is God."  Hebrews 11: 8-10

"Abram believed the LORD, and he credited it to him as righteousness."  Genesis 15: 6 

"Against all hope, Abraham in hope believed and so became the father of many nations, just as it had been said to him, “So shall your offspring be."  Romans 4:18

"Yet he did not waver through unbelief regarding the promise of God, but was strengthened in his faith and gave glory to God, being fully persuaded that God had power to do what he had promised."  Romans 4: 20-21   

Biblical faith is not mere head knowledge.  It is not intellectual assent to the existence of God.  After all, even the demons believe- and shudder!   Biblical faith is obedience no matter the cost.  It is going where you are called, even when you do not know where you are going.  It is living as a nomad, never setting down immovable roots, so as to be ready to go when called at a moment's notice.  It is believing with hopeful expectation in the promises of God, even when the circumstances look to be against all hope.  It is unwavering.  It is being fully persuaded in His power.  It gives glory to God in the midst of pain, fear and confusion.  It is looking forward to that city with foundations, whose architect and builder is God.    


Abraham and Sarah had reason to fear, but they had bigger faith.  My cousins have sorrow and pain, but they have bigger faith.  I have had times of fear, sorrow, confusion and pain.  And I am learning to walk by bigger faith.  A faith that is bigger than all these feelings.  A faith that is hopeful, expectant, ready and willing, and glorifies God.  A Biblical faith.  As I journey, I am thankful for the examples of faith from the Word and from this life.  And I am thankful for my God who is always FAITHFUL to nudge me along in my walk of faith, bringing me ever closer to that city with foundations.  

The Story of Jayden

I have many of my own thoughts and feelings about what I am posting here today but for now I'll let Christina and Jay tell the story in their own beautiful words:



If you have ever prayed for this sweet baby at my request, thank you!  Will you continue to pray now for Christina, Jay, Alex and Mya?

Sowing in Tears

"Those who sow in tears will reap with songs of joy"  Ps 126: 5

I've written here before about a very special baby.  We have received some devastating news about his diagnosis and prognosis.  We are sowing in tears right now.  I am not free to share the names of the baby and my cousins but God knows.  And if you would be willing to lift them up in prayer, I would be truly grateful.


My sweet friend, Mary, posted this song on her blog tonight.  It so ministered to my broken heart this evening.  Maybe it will to yours as well?

Praying the Psalms- Psalm 94

Jenny is on a journey of praying her way through the Psalms.  I was fortunate enough to join at the start.  Each weekend, we pray through one psalm and post our prayer and/or meditations on that psalm as the Lord leads. Check out her journey and join us in Praying the Psalms.

Psalm 94

"When I said, “My foot is slipping,”
   your love, O LORD, supported me.
When anxiety was great within me,
   your consolation brought joy to my soul." Psalm 94: 18-19 

This psalm is so full of truth.  Choosing a verse or two on which to meditate and pray is difficult.  It speaks of God, the avenger of all wrongs.  It warns of the coming judgement of the evildoers who seem to be flourishing everywhere.  It reminds that God sees, hears, knows all things and is still in control.  It exhorts us to see His discipline as blessing.  It demonstrates how God is our fortress and rock.  


As I read and re-read this psalm, though, the words of verses 18 and 19 continued to jump out at me.  Because, these words, I have lived.  There are times when my foot is slipping and whatever I do, I cannot seem to regain my footing on my own.  It is in those times, when His love has supported me.  It is then when I am sure that I am caught in His grace.  And when anxiety threatens to overwhelm my peace.  When the circumstance of our life seem insurmountable, it is only His consolation given to me through His Word, that brings joy to my soul.


Lord, thank You for Your love that supports me and Your consolation that brings me joy.  On this Thanksgiving weekend, I am thankful most for You.  I am thankful for the fact that I have been restored to relationship with You.  I am redeemed!  And to that, You add innumerable  blessings. Thank You, Lord!  May I retain my gratitude and awe for You during this holiday season.  Help us to keep You at the center of all our celebrations!

Praying the Psalms- Psalm 93

Jenny is on a journey of praying her way through the Psalms.  I was fortunate enough to join at the start.  Each weekend, we pray through one psalm and post our prayer and/or meditations on that psalm as the Lord leads. Check out her journey and join us in Praying the Psalms.

Psalm 93

"Mightier than the thunder of the great waters,
   mightier than the breakers of the sea—
   the LORD on high is mighty."  Psalm 93: 4

Mightier also than my wandering heart.  And than my weak flesh.  And than my broken promises.  And than all the ways I fall short.  The LORD on high is mighty.


Lord, thank You for this reminder of Who is in control.  No matter what the season in my walk with You or in my relationships with loved ones or in the circumstances of life, You are mightier.  I pray that You would revive me in my spirit, change me in the areas of my failings and work together for good those life circumstances that look bleak and scary.  In Jesus' name, amen.

Praying the Psalms- Psalm 92

Jenny is on a journey of praying her way through the Psalms.  I was fortunate enough to join at the start.  Each weekend, we pray through one psalm and post our prayer and/or meditations on that psalm as the Lord leads. Check out her journey and join us in Praying the Psalms.

Psalm 92

"It is good to praise the LORD
   and make music to your name, O Most High,                                to proclaim your love in the morning
   and your faithfulness at night,"  Psalm 92: 1-2 (emphasis mine)

I'm a slow learner.  It is good- for me- to praise the Lord.  When too much time goes by, I am lonely and empty.  Nothing can give me what only He can- not more "me" time late into the night, not more sleep in the mornings, nothing.  So why don't I learn?

Father, forgive me for forsaking our time together.  I miss waking up to Your voice.  I am dry and empty.  And it impacts not only me, but everyone around me.  Revive me, by Your Spirit.  Give me self-control to get to bed on time and get up on time to meet with You.  Thank You for Your grace.  In Jesus' name, amen.

Praying the Psalms- Psalm 91

Jenny is on a journey of praying her way through the Psalms.  I was fortunate enough to join at the start.  Each weekend, we pray through one psalm and post our prayer and/or meditations on that psalm as the Lord leads. Check out her journey and join us in Praying the Psalms.

Psalm 91

"If you make the Most High your dwelling—
   even the LORD, who is my refuge—
then no harm will befall you,
   no disaster will come near your tent."  Psalm 91: 9-10

The only way I can see to make sense of these verses, this psalm, when I see Godly people suffering what appears to be harm, disaster, tragedy is to believe that He will use even these circumstances for good.  As it turns out, a baby very dear to us continues to need a healing touch from the Lord.  For the past two of his three months of life, he has been in and out of the hospital with frighteningly serious medical issues.  My cousins are walking the road marked with suffering again- concern for their little one, being separated from their older two while in the hospital, severe sleep deprivation, pressures from work, and the list goes on.  I have two choices: I can look at the situation and call it a disaster and wonder where God is or I can believe He is right there in the midst of it, allowing it and using for some good we cannot yet see.  I choose the latter.


Father, we trust You.  Amidst the pain and the exhaustion and the fear, we trust You.  We put baby J in Your hands.  Show Your glory, Your healing, Your power in His life.  Strengthen his parents, physically and spiritually.  Give us eyes to see and a heart to believe that You are working in this situation.  In Jesus' name, amen.

Praying the Psalms- Psalm 90

Jenny is on a journey of praying her way through the Psalms.  I was fortunate enough to join at the start.  Each weekend, we pray through one psalm and post our prayer and/or meditations on that psalm as the Lord leads. Check out her journey and join us in Praying the Psalms.

Psalm 90

"Satisfy us in the morning with your unfailing love,
   that we may sing for joy and be glad all our days."  Psalm 90: 14

Many things have been put on pause as we got started on Our Great Homeschool Experiment this fall.  Most of these things were necessary and wise.  At least one was not.  I have neglected my morning Quiet Times in favor of 30 minutes more sleep for about a month now.  I know that God is gracious and compassionate and I do not feel guilty.  But I do feel lonely.  I miss Him and the daily, intimate interaction we enjoyed.  I miss the peace I received when I laid my burdens down at His feet each day.  So, here I am again...    


Lord, thank You for the strength to get up this morning and meet with You.  Thank You for Your grace on all those days when I did not.  Satisfy me in the morning with Your unfailing love, that I may sing for joy and be glad all my days!  In Jesus's name, amen.

Praying the Psalms- Psalm 89

Jenny is on a journey of praying her way through the Psalms.  I was fortunate enough to join at the start.  Each weekend, we pray through one psalm and post our prayer and/or meditations on that psalm as the Lord leads. Check out her journey and join us in Praying the Psalms.


Psalm 89

"Righteousness and justice are the foundation of your throne;
   love and faithfulness go before you.
 Blessed are those who have learned to acclaim you,
   who walk in the light of your presence, O LORD."  Psalm 89:14-15

There is One who does not change.  When our circumstances change.  When it feels like the rug has been pulled out from under us.  When we suffer (or watch loved ones suffer) under tremendous stress or pain.  There is One who does not change.


Righteousness and justice are the foundation of His throne.  Love and faithfulness go before Him.  He who has started a good work will bring it to completion.


Those who have learned to acclaim this One are blessed.  No one is born with a heart for God.  We must learn to praise Him- in times of rejoicing and in times of sorrow.  


Lord, I am watching loved ones learn how to acclaim You in times of suffering.  I am praying for them as they learn to praise You in the midst of confusion and debilitating stress.  I am thankful that in the midst of our suffering and confusion and stress, You never change.  You remain righteous and just and loving and faithful.  And ready to bless us and strengthen us as we learn to love You through our pain.  Strengthen my loved ones who are reaching through the dark, through their pain for Your hand.  In Jesus' name, amen.  

Faithful Over a Few Things

His lord said to him, ‘Well done, good and faithful servant; you were faithful over a few things, I will make you ruler over many things. Enter into the joy of your lord.’   Matthew 25: 21

This Sunday, our dear pastor and his lovely wife and son had some much deserved R & R.  A brother from the fellowship delivered the message on Sunday.  He taught on the Parable of the Talents from Matthew 25.   It was a message I needed to hear.


Ever since we decided to homeschool, I purposed to put aside all my ministry roles outside of the home so that I could focus on homeschooling.  For a season, I decided, I would pour all my gifts into my family and home.  This decision was practical.  It made sense.  The only problem was that it just never felt right.   


As wives and mothers, are our primary callings in the home?  Yes!  However, there are other needs (both within and outside of the Body of Christ) that each one of us may also be called to meet.  I've always been convicted that we can never convince our families and neighbors of God's goodness and love if we never step back from our own (many) responsibilities as wife and mother to show them His love.  I believe in stepping away to minister to others, we not only bless those who are outside our home but those inside it as well.  It reminds our family- especially our children- that there are times when our own desires must be put aside for the needs of others.  


God gave us our gifts to be a blessing.  When we use them, it should not be a burden but a joy.  The servants in this passage were entrusted with a gift from the master.  When he returned to settle accounts with each, he expected that they had been not simply good stewards of the gift, protecting it from destruction.  He expected that each had used the gift to bear fruit.  It was only in those cases that the master  uttered the words we all long to hear: "Well done, good and faithful servant; you were faithful over a few things, I will make you ruler over many things.  Enter into the joy of your lord."  


I am not a preacher or a prophet.  I'm not an evangelist or a teacher.  I do however have a gift from the Lord.  He has given me the analytical and organizational skills of administration.  I can take what might seem like a dry and daunting task to others and break it into small, manageable parts and bring order to a situation.  I have used my gift as secretary of our church, an event coordinator for our Women's Ministry, to organize rides and other help for a friend in need.  Please know that I am not bringing glory to myself at all- God has entrusted me with this gift of administration and I want to use it to bring glory to Him alone!  


Now that we are homeschooling, do I need to step back from some of these roles to pour my time and energy into this calling?  Yes!  Are there ways that I can still use my gift to bless others outside the home as well?  Yes!  God confirmed this to me in Sunday's message.  There are opportunities to minister with my gift that He is bringing to me.  When I know He is calling me outside the home to use my gift, I must follow.  


I have heard Him already.  It is a little thing He asking.  I want to be faithful over it.  

Linking up to Michelle's Hear it on Sunday, Use it on Monday meme:

  

Praying the Psalms- Psalm 88

Jenny is on a journey of praying her way through the Psalms.  I was fortunate enough to join at the start.  Each weekend, we pray through one psalm and post our prayer and/or meditations on that psalm as the Lord leads. Check out her journey and join us in Praying the Psalms.


Psalm 88
This psalm opens with the following words:

"O LORD, the God who saves me,
   day and night I cry out before you.
May my prayer come before you;
   turn your ear to my cry."  Psalm 88: 1-2 

And ends with these: 

"You have taken my companions and loved ones from me;
   the darkness is my closest friend." Psalm 88: 18

The entire psalm is an honest, heartbroken lament.  A reverent "Where Are You, God?"  There is no neat ending, no pious but empty praise here.  Just a soul poured out before Him.


As I watch my friend walk a painful road without her loved one, I am grateful for this psalm.  I am grateful to know that it is ok to lament.  He is big enough to hear our pain and to listen to the depth of our despair.  We do not have to hide it from Him, to try to pretend that we are ok when we are most definitely not.


Father, I thank You that You are big enough to handle our pain, grief and despair.  That we can cry out honestly and lay bare our souls before You.  I pray, Lord, that You do as You've promised and draw near to my friend who is brokenhearted and save her now as she is surely crushed in spirit.  Help me to minister to her in the midst of her pain and despair.  In Jesus' name, amen.     

Praying the Psalms- Psalm 87

Jenny is on a journey of praying her way through the Psalms.  I was fortunate enough to join at the start.  Each weekend, we pray through one psalm and post our prayer and/or meditations on that psalm as the Lord leads. Check out her journey and join us in Praying the Psalms.


Psalm 87

The LORD will write in the register of the peoples:
   “This one was born in Zion.” Psalm 87: 6

Feeling grateful this morning that for all my weaknesses and failures, I can know that my name is written in his register.  It is recorded in the Lamb's Book of Life.  Not because I deserve it.  Not because of anything I have done.  Simply because I was born again.  When I believed the Truth about who I was and who He is and how I need Him, I was born in Zion.  And no matter what evil I do or say, though I try each day to honor Him in word and deed, this assurance cannot be taken from me.


Father, thank You.  Thank You for the indescribable gift of salvation and eternal life!  May I walk worthy of Your calling in my life.  In Jesus' name, amen.  

Praying the Psalms- Psalm 86

Jenny is on a journey of praying her way through the Psalms.  I was fortunate enough to join at the start.  Each weekend, we pray through one psalm and post our prayer and/or meditations on that psalm as the Lord leads. Check out her journey and join us in Praying the Psalms.


Psalm 86

"Teach me your way, O LORD,
   and I will walk in your truth;
give me an undivided heart,
   that I may fear your name." Psalm 86: 11

Oh, to have an undivided heart!  In this day and in this culture where speed and multi-tasking are the goal, I have been a full participant.  My heart is often divided.  My life compartmentalized into neat little boxes and divided up into a daily to do list- Quiet Time at the top of this list with its own little box to check off.  Is this what I want from this life?  No!  I want a life that flows from an undivided heart that is staid on Him and His plan for me.  But a divided, compartmentalized walk is often what I see in my life.  Only He can give me an undivided heart.  I cannot conjure up this level of devotion to Him on my own.  It is a gift from Him, so I pray... 


Father, give me an undivided heart, one that always holds You in first place.  Help me to allow my life to flow from a love for You.  Show me how to be a good steward of my time without planning so much in my own strength that I make no room in my life for Your plan for me.  In Jesus' name, amen.