Happy Birthday to Me!

Today is my 40th birthday!

And I couldn't be happier.

Because LOOK WHERE I AM:

       

And look who I am with:

And though a little offended that we dared leave them, look how much fun our 3 are having at home with Papa and Abuelita:

The big 4-0 has got nothing on my blessed life!

How to Crack Your iPhone and Hear from God

It's time for a confession.  I spend a lot of time online.  Even when I am not on the computer, my trusty iPhone is within reach.  Our Summer of Purpose has helped limit my online time by focusing me on activities with my kids.  But I still check e-mail and respond to comments on the iPhone.  A few nights ago, I cracked the screen on my iPhone.

It was on my bedside and I picked it up for who knows what while my husband and I were watching the news.  I knocked in right into a cermaic plaque I have hanging from my bedside lamp.  Here's the plaque:

It says: "Your Word is a lamp unto my feet and light unto my path."

Now I am not one for over-spiritualizing or seeing signs in everything but I immediately thought, "o.k., Lord, I get it.  YOUR Word is supposed to be my lamp and my light."  You see, the cracked iPhone was the proverbial last straw.  As of late, He has been gently convicting me to examine my online time and to be more intentional about when and how I spend that time.

His message and challenge has been all around me lately.  My husband has been not so subtly hinting that I need to unplug a little in the evenings.  And I've been ashamed to note lately that I get a bit out of sorts when I don't get to blog/read when I want to because of my responsibilities as a wife, mother, worker, etc.  Each time I visit Michelle's lovely website her Note to Self is like a flashing red light.  This recent post of Ann's and the following quote from it really hit home:

Do my daily decisions support my belief that relationship is the essence of reality?  Or do I merely pay lip service while the use of my hours clearly reveals true priorities?

I want to live my life fully engaged.  I want to love well.  I want my time online to enrich my real life.  I want those who are watching to see that my reality matches my stated priorities.  So, I am praying about how to limit my time online while still reaping the benefits it does bring.  Stay tuned, I'll be sure to blog how He and I resolve this one :)

I would love to hear how you have resolved this issue in your own life.  Please share!   

High Calling Blog Community

A few days ago I joined The High Calling Blog Community.  I had seen the badge on a few blogs I love so I decided to check it out myself.  High Calling Blogs is a community of The High Calling of our Daily Work whose mission is to glorify God in everyday life and work.  The network consists of nearly 1000 writers who are interested in conversations about faith and work.  Since my blog fits the "faith conversation" mold and I love finding new blogs to read as well as receiving comments on my own blog, I thought it would be a great match.

The morning after I joined, I received a newsletter via e-mail with some featured articles.  Wouldn't you know that the first article I read, The Rest of Your Life,  resonated with my personal journey of Self Care that has become a theme I write a bit about on my blog.  I thought the writer of this article, Ed Gungor, clearly articulated the biblical arguments for rest and how taking time to rest has become quite counter-cultural.

In my own experience, I have found that the concept of rest and self care seems to run counter culture even in Christian circles.  Most Christian moms I know work, work, work and run, run, run all the time!  There seems to be no time to rest, to be with friends, to have date night with the husband.  Although I have not gotten where I think I need to be in terms of balance in my life, I have definitely made progress in setting boundaries for ministry outside my home as well as taking time to take care of myself and rest.  I have shared this journey with many of my friends but, if I am being honest, I do still feel a little embarrassed that I need these times of rest.  I wonder if others think I am simply lazy or selfish.  I wonder if maybe I am simply lazy and selfish.  So, articles like The Rest of Your Life are a great encouragement to me.  They remind me that I am doing the right thing for my family and in God's eyes by honoring His commandment to rest.

What have your experiences with Rest and Self Care been like?  How do you make time for rest?  What kinds of activities are restorative for you?

Setting the Pace

My big boy has been sick this week.  He was home from school both Tuesday and Wednesday.  As is my usual response to unexpected changes in my schedule, I was anxious, at first, about how I was going to get everything done this week.  My calendar for Tuesday and Wednesday was filled with running to and fro.  As it turns out, these two days at home were a complete blessing!  Those things that were left undone that were outside of the home must not have been so important after all.

In addition to taking care of my little man and my girl, I got so many little things done around the house during those days.  And I had time to think, to write, to begin to plan our summer, to read more of the 550 page book I am trying to finish.  It has been so refreshing!  I've had such a peace all week.  It's inspired me to be intentional about scheduling in at least one day a week (Monday-Friday) when I am home most of the day.  The day may vary week to week, depending on my work and school volunteer obligations and, of course, I will do some routine household chores and paperwork on that day.  But, I intend to spend most of it in self care with time for exercise, and for thinking, writing, planning, dreaming and reading.

I know the Lord has been calling me to do this for some time now.  I've written about it here a few times already.  Frankly, though, I have not been sure how to put it into practice with all my responsibilities, so I have hesitated.  After thinking about it and talking with a wise sister and friend, the only way to do it is to do it.  So, I opened iCal and scheduled one day next week for Self Care.  And I've committed myself to do that each week.

How about you?  Are you already taking care of yourself?  Do you need regular times alone to slow down?  Time to think, write, plan, dream?

Knowing Him!

The retreat center entry lobby welcomed us with a beautiful display of the theme Knowing Him scriptures II Peter 1:1-12

The hospitality team scattered pretty reminders of our theme and verses in nooks and crannies throughout the center

The sanctuary where main teachings and worship took place

Pretty baskets served as centerpieces at meal times

The resource table where I bought an obscene amount of books

Glimpses of His splendor (pay no attention to the camera in the reflection :)

Is Anything Sweeter?

...than the sound of hundreds of women singing to our Lord?
...than the sight of these women praising God with abandon?
...than sensing that the woman with the guitar and the beautiful voice on stage is there to lead us into worship and not to glory in herself?
...than feeling His presence and His acceptance of our worship?

I arrived yesterday afternoon at a Pastor's Wives conference and will be here until tomorrow afternoon.  (I was invited by our pastor's wife.)  I am being so blessed!  Hearing the word, corporate worship, prayer, quiet time with Him, freedom from my responsibilities of wife and mother, rest.  I have two more posts outlined in my head already :)  But I had to stop by here quickly to share a little bit now.  At our church, the children are with us during praise and worship time and my husband is the worship leader so I rarely get to focus all of my attention on the Lord during that time.  But when I am free to do that, like I have been here, I am just caught up in it.  It's like a little window into Heaven, a sneak peek, if you will, of eternity, and I am hard pressed to think of anything sweeter.

More on Self Care

Have you met my friend Andrea?  The story of our friendship is funny, really, now that I think of it.  We have known one another for many years through our church but became friends on Facebook.  Then she let me in on her beautiful home in the blogosphere- The Flourishing Mother.  And God has just continued to knit our hearts together as sisters online AND in real life.  I just love her!  She wrote a post yesterday that just really spoke to me.  It's about what I called Self-Care here and she calls "Me Time."  Whatever you call it, I have come to know that it is a necessary and Godly activity for me as a mom, as I suspect it is for most moms.

I encourage you to read Andrea's take: Me Time

Self Care

I have been a mom for almost nine years- more than that really, if you count the time I carried my first baby in my womb! By God's grace, I have done some things right during these years. I have also made many mistakes. One of the biggest mistakes I made is one that I see many women who are mothers make- I became Mommy. I gave up Natalie and much of who God had created me to be. I believed that Mommy was the new me and my prior interests and inclinations had to be forgotten so as not to interfere with the new me. I never thought about any of this, mind you. Oh sure, I was frustrated and resentful, at times, but I never consciously considered this transformation from Natalie to Mommy objectively. I rarely examined the feelings of frustration and resentment as warning signs of a problem, I just did what I thought I was supposed to do.

As my children grew and entered school, I added more tasks to my long list of responsibilities such as Sunday School Teacher, Class Mom, PTO board member. Whatever crossed my path that would make me a better Mommy, I did. And the truth is, I did not begrudge these things. In fact, I even enjoyed them most of the time.

Over this past year, however, I have begun to see that this abdication of the unique person God had created me to be was not wise. It was not unselfish and sacrificial, as was my intention. In fact, losing myself was detrimental to the very people I was trying to serve- my family. The problem was not the roles I took on but the things I neglected. The problem was not the tasks I engaged in but the manner I entered in to them- without consideration and prayer. The problem was not that I wanted to be the best Mommy I could be but that I forgot all about Natalie in the process. I stopped honoring the unique gifts, inclinations and desires that God had so graciously bestowed on me. In clumsily crucifying my flesh, I trampled my spirit. Instead of taking on a new and precious role as mommy, while honoring the rest of me, I became Mommy and forgot about the rest of me.

When I started to consider these things, it was out of necessity. I found myself in a very precarious emotional state at the end of this summer and it was scary. Our family had just suffered the unexpected and painful loss of a loved one and the added pressure from that experience was like the straw that broke the proverbial camel's back. I was stressed to the max and felt unable to relate to my family appropriately anymore. The high paced schedule I had developed for our crew was now too much for me to bear.

With the help of godly counsel, I began to see that if I did not start to take care of myself, I was hurting everyone in my family. I also began to realize that I was actually disrespecting my Lord by ignoring the special way He made me. It took awhile for me to understand and believe these things. It took a clear mind to see that a woman who desires to be a wonderful Mommy must also be a woman whose personal needs are met. I cannot pour myself out for anyone if I am empty and dry!

I began a prayerful process then that continues to this day of self-reflection and self-understanding. After some prayer, I excused myself from a couple of on-going commitments and refrained from taking on new ones as the school year began. I learned to balance the needs of my family with my own needs. As I saw the dramatic difference in my mood and parenting and the positive effects on my husband and children, I finally began to believe I was doing the right thing for everyone.

It is still difficult to choose something for myself over something for one of the children. I try to make these decisions with the Lord's help and guidance. I also remind myself that just because a decision is hard does not mean it is wrong and that almost nothing is irreversible. Just knowing that I can choose to take care of one of my own needs even if it will preclude meeting a want of one of my children has given me such a sense of freedom. My desire on this journey is to "live as a free woman, but not use my freedom as a cover-up for evil; to live as a servant of God." (based on 1 Peter 2:16)