Spilled Milk (or Water, Actually)

"And you, fathers, do not provoke your children to wrath, but bring them up in the training and admonition of the Lord."  Ephesians 6:4

No, I'm not a father, but I'm pretty sure that does not let me off the hook with this one.  The verse popped up in my News Feed on Facebook this morning.  

Right after I yelled at my poor oldest boy for spilling a glass of water all over the homeschool table and the pile of paperwork that I am working through today, even as he was already trying to mop up the mess.


*Sigh*  


I was thankful for His reminder.  It helped me to quickly repent and ask for forgiveness.  While He was quick to forgive, my boy took a little longer.  I understood why, I was out of line.  So I gave him the time and space he needed and before long we reconciled. 


The papers dried quickly, but the wound to his heart might take longer.  

Lord, give me grace to raise my children with patience and gentleness.  Help me to see what is truly important in each moment and to respond to that.  Give me self-control to push down frustration and anger and to respond with the love and grace You show me.  In Jesus' name, amen.


***It's been a long time since I last posted here!  Life as a homeschooling mama is busy and full.  I miss this space, but seldom have time to post here.  I do update our homeschooling blog fairly regularly, though, and I'd love to see you there: Our Great Homeschool Experiment***

How I Saw Eternity in 124 Days

I hope you have seen the video my cousins made in celebration of their sweet baby Jayden, who went home to be with the Lord after 124 days of life here on this earth.  If you have not, please watch it first here before reading this post.

As I mentioned in that post, there are so many things I want to say about the experience of loving and losing Jayden.  God gave him to our family for a short time, but for a great purpose.  Part of Jayden's purpose was surely to change me.  In honor of him, I want to share with you how God used this precious baby to do that.

Before Jayden was even born, he began to change me.  During Christina's pregnancy, we were made aware of some concerns the doctors had about how Jayden was developing in utero.  Each time a concern was raised, we prayed and God removed the issue.  At the next sonogram, the concern would be gone!  Through Jayden, I learned how to really pray- fervent, unceasing, faith filled and unselfish prayers.  And because of him, I learned that God does still heal!  I saw Him miraculously heal JJ not once but twice. 

When Jayden was born and all seemed well, I was overjoyed!  When I saw his precious face in photos for the first time, the tears of thankfulness flowed.  Even now, as I look back, I thank God my cousins had a month of typical life with a newborn.  I pray that God has engraved the sweetness of that time on my cousins' hearts forever.

One afternoon, when JJ was about a month old, I got a phone call from Christina to let me know they were on their way to the hospital and to ask for prayer for Jayden.  Once again, it was time to persevere in prayer.  Through the ups and downs and the lack of answers from the doctors, Jayden taught me how to press on in prayer and to trust God with the result.  His life forced me to put my faith in action.  Do I really believe that with God all things are possible?  Do I really believe that God’s plan is perfect?

When God made a way for my cousins to bring Jayden home and I was able to meet him, I felt such great thankfulness for the opportunity.  Holding him for those brief moments were a gift I will never forget nor take for granted.  I will never forget his beautiful eyes, his round cheeks, his sweet smile and of course how he looked just like his daddy. 

During my visit, my cousins held a beautiful prayer service for Jayden.  I will never forget how they purposed to keep the mood light yet prayerful and reverent.  Their grace and peace spoke volumes to those of us looking on- both believers and non-believers.  As a believer, I was encouraged to see that God does indeed give special grace in our time of need.  And those who don’t believe saw a faith that was real, and how God could be loved, honored and glorified even as one walks through pain and fear.

When I got the phone call I had been praying against for so long, my heart broke.  But Jayden’s life and my cousins' response to his life and his death, once again taught me.  I learned, really learned, that life is a vapor.  This is not just head knowledge for me anymore.  Instead I feel that truth now with an ache in my heart.  My eyes have been opened to see that not one of us is promised tomorrow.  I have had to experience what that feels like and to watch my loved ones suffer because of it.  I have been forced to acknowledge how I have taken the precious gift of life for granted.  I have been inspired to change that- to become one who appreciates each moment of life- my own and my loved ones- as a gift. 

My cousins' determination to honor God by celebrating Jayden’s life despite their pain was beautiful!  Once again, I saw Him give them the special grace to do just that at JJ's Celebration of Life service.  From the music they chose, to the words of the pastor, to the incredible video, to Christina’s unscripted appeal onstage to all to come to know God, to the release of 124 balloons in celebration of his 124 days of life, they set the tone of celebration and faith in the midst of suffering and sorrow.  They lifted God and His goodness above all else and, in doing so, set an example for all of us who believe and planted a seed in the hearts of those who do not.

The truth is, I wish with everything in me, that Jayden was still with us.  That our prayers had been answered differently and I could have rejoiced to watch him toddling through my cousins' yard as we enjoyed our annual week together in the summer.  I mourn with them,.  I weep with them.  But praise God that we do not grieve like those who have no hope!  We know where JJ is- in the arms of our Jesus.  And we know that he is healed and whole.  We know that we will see him again- and this time it will not be for a vapor but for eternity.

I don’t know how to do this.  How to grieve a sweet little cousin.  How to love my cousins well.  How to minister at this time.  I only know this.  That I love my cousins and their family so very much.  And that He loves them exceedingly and abundantly more than I ever could.  So I simply trust that they will come through this stronger and more equipped to do His will.  And I ask Him to give me what I need to be there for them.  

Thank you, Christina and Jason, for sharing Jayden with me.  I am forever changed because of him!

By Faith

You may remember that last January I started the Bible in 90 Days challenge with my friend, Andrea.  It was a wonderful experience, and one I hope to repeat in the future.  However, in keeping with my mission of limiting as much pressure as possible from my daily schedule to focus on this first year of homeschooling, I decided to take on a less daunting but hopefully just as fulfilling task this January.  While Andrea reads the Bible in 90 Days again, I am reading The Story in 90 Days.  We started on Monday and are holding one another accountable for keeping up with our daily reading through regular texts and encouragement.    


In case you are not familiar with The Story, it is basically a chronological compilation of all the major stories, prophecies, psalms and proverbs of the Bible.  It does not include every scripture verse in the Bible, but all of the prose in The Story are word for word verses from the NIV Bible.  The purpose of The Story is to tell the narrative of God and His people, making "the insistent claim that a loving God has sought you and provided a way of redemption- a way for you to enter a relationship with Him." (p. ix)


This morning as I began reading about Abraham, these verses really ministered to me and where I am in my faith journey right now:

"By faith Abraham, when called to go to a place he would later receive as his inheritance, obeyed and went, even though he did not know where he was going. By faith he made his home in the promised land like a stranger in a foreign country; he lived in tents, as did Isaac and Jacob, who were heirs with him of the same promise. For he was looking forward to the city with foundations, whose architect and builder is God."  Hebrews 11: 8-10

"Abram believed the LORD, and he credited it to him as righteousness."  Genesis 15: 6 

"Against all hope, Abraham in hope believed and so became the father of many nations, just as it had been said to him, “So shall your offspring be."  Romans 4:18

"Yet he did not waver through unbelief regarding the promise of God, but was strengthened in his faith and gave glory to God, being fully persuaded that God had power to do what he had promised."  Romans 4: 20-21   

Biblical faith is not mere head knowledge.  It is not intellectual assent to the existence of God.  After all, even the demons believe- and shudder!   Biblical faith is obedience no matter the cost.  It is going where you are called, even when you do not know where you are going.  It is living as a nomad, never setting down immovable roots, so as to be ready to go when called at a moment's notice.  It is believing with hopeful expectation in the promises of God, even when the circumstances look to be against all hope.  It is unwavering.  It is being fully persuaded in His power.  It gives glory to God in the midst of pain, fear and confusion.  It is looking forward to that city with foundations, whose architect and builder is God.    


Abraham and Sarah had reason to fear, but they had bigger faith.  My cousins have sorrow and pain, but they have bigger faith.  I have had times of fear, sorrow, confusion and pain.  And I am learning to walk by bigger faith.  A faith that is bigger than all these feelings.  A faith that is hopeful, expectant, ready and willing, and glorifies God.  A Biblical faith.  As I journey, I am thankful for the examples of faith from the Word and from this life.  And I am thankful for my God who is always FAITHFUL to nudge me along in my walk of faith, bringing me ever closer to that city with foundations.  

The Story of Jayden

I have many of my own thoughts and feelings about what I am posting here today but for now I'll let Christina and Jay tell the story in their own beautiful words:



If you have ever prayed for this sweet baby at my request, thank you!  Will you continue to pray now for Christina, Jay, Alex and Mya?

Faithful Over a Few Things

His lord said to him, ‘Well done, good and faithful servant; you were faithful over a few things, I will make you ruler over many things. Enter into the joy of your lord.’   Matthew 25: 21

This Sunday, our dear pastor and his lovely wife and son had some much deserved R & R.  A brother from the fellowship delivered the message on Sunday.  He taught on the Parable of the Talents from Matthew 25.   It was a message I needed to hear.


Ever since we decided to homeschool, I purposed to put aside all my ministry roles outside of the home so that I could focus on homeschooling.  For a season, I decided, I would pour all my gifts into my family and home.  This decision was practical.  It made sense.  The only problem was that it just never felt right.   


As wives and mothers, are our primary callings in the home?  Yes!  However, there are other needs (both within and outside of the Body of Christ) that each one of us may also be called to meet.  I've always been convicted that we can never convince our families and neighbors of God's goodness and love if we never step back from our own (many) responsibilities as wife and mother to show them His love.  I believe in stepping away to minister to others, we not only bless those who are outside our home but those inside it as well.  It reminds our family- especially our children- that there are times when our own desires must be put aside for the needs of others.  


God gave us our gifts to be a blessing.  When we use them, it should not be a burden but a joy.  The servants in this passage were entrusted with a gift from the master.  When he returned to settle accounts with each, he expected that they had been not simply good stewards of the gift, protecting it from destruction.  He expected that each had used the gift to bear fruit.  It was only in those cases that the master  uttered the words we all long to hear: "Well done, good and faithful servant; you were faithful over a few things, I will make you ruler over many things.  Enter into the joy of your lord."  


I am not a preacher or a prophet.  I'm not an evangelist or a teacher.  I do however have a gift from the Lord.  He has given me the analytical and organizational skills of administration.  I can take what might seem like a dry and daunting task to others and break it into small, manageable parts and bring order to a situation.  I have used my gift as secretary of our church, an event coordinator for our Women's Ministry, to organize rides and other help for a friend in need.  Please know that I am not bringing glory to myself at all- God has entrusted me with this gift of administration and I want to use it to bring glory to Him alone!  


Now that we are homeschooling, do I need to step back from some of these roles to pour my time and energy into this calling?  Yes!  Are there ways that I can still use my gift to bless others outside the home as well?  Yes!  God confirmed this to me in Sunday's message.  There are opportunities to minister with my gift that He is bringing to me.  When I know He is calling me outside the home to use my gift, I must follow.  


I have heard Him already.  It is a little thing He asking.  I want to be faithful over it.  

Linking up to Michelle's Hear it on Sunday, Use it on Monday meme:

  

The Messy Beautiful

Almost a year ago, I read a blog post I will probably never forget.  What the writer had to say was so similar to my own feelings but her response so different that it left an impression on me.  I'm sure I even linked to it here back then, too.  In her post, Aimee describes how she had been responding to the mess in her home in irritation and frustration until she began to snap photos of the mess while intentionally looking for the beauty and thanking God- choosing joy and thankfulness!

It's gotten a little messy here lately.  The five of us passed around the stomach virus.  Then two of the three kids had strep throat.  We had to cut back on our Friday babysitter who doubled as house tidier and laundry queen extraordinaire.  I was out at a conference most of one weekend and then away for all of the next.  One evening, the husband of a friend from church stopped by to pick something up and deliver it to church as a favor for me.  When the front door opened, the surprise in his eyes as they scanned the living room was not be missed, though he quickly tried to hide it :)

I don't tolerate mess well.  I can overlook dust with no problem.  But clutter, piles, disorganized messes?  Not so much.   I have found myself irritable, frustrated and just plain cranky with the state of our home as of late.  So I did what any sane woman would do- I photographed the "messy beautiful" and posted it to my public blog :)

And guess what?  I found what Aimee did!  From behind the lens, with an eye disciplined to look beyond the mess to see the beautiful; with a tongue no longer permitted to moan and complain but allowed only to give thanks for the messy beautiful, I found peace.  I saw grace.  I experienced mercy.  I touched beauty.

Linking up (late- how appropriate) with hill at Capturing Motherhood:

Ten

Saturday was my big boy's turn for a birthday.  And it was a big one- TEN!

I tell my children every year that I don't want them to turn a year older but stay the same age as the year before.  Every year, they defy me by growing older.  And now I have a child in the double digits!  How did this happen?!?  They didn't even let Mom in for the classroom cupcakes this year :(  *sigh*

We celebrated with our family dinner out at the Mexican Restaurant on Saturday night.

And a pool party on Sunday afternoon with twelve 10 year old boys plus 6 cousins.  Oh, they had a blast!  The best part?  Daddy went in with them so I could stay dry :)

This boy of mine.  Mothering him has stretched me, challenged me and sent me running to Jesus time and again for wisdom and strength.  It has been exciting, hard, joyous and painful.  And I would not trade a moment of it!

Happy 10th birthday, my little man!

His Hand

As we researched and prayed about homeschooling, God opened doors to give us the confidence we needed to make our decision in the end.  I want to remember how He led us in this process, have a record of it, for those days when I question it all.  

About two months had passed since T and I had begun to consider homeschooling again.  I was coming to the end of the women's Bible study I was involved in at church, Breaking Free.  As a result of the small group discussions in this study, a friend and I decided to be accountability partners over the issues from which we were each committing to "break free."  Jen also just so happened to be one of the homeschooling moms at church that with whom I had always been friendly.  As the weeks went on, Jen and I would communicate frequently as accountability partners and I also began to ask her about homeschooling, sharing with her why we were considering it again.  Jen is a wealth of homeschooling information and teaching is her passion so she was happy to share her experience and wisdom with me.  Best of all, she understood where I was coming from and never pushed homeschooling as the only way to educate our children.  Over the course of a few weeks, with prayer, Jen's guidance and input from several other homeschooling moms I respect, I came up with a plan I was excited about implementing.      

We hadn't told anyone in our families, assuming the reaction would be negative.  One evening, after a particularly long and teary homework session, I was on the phone with my mom lamenting about the situation as I stirred a pot of chili on the stove.  She listened and sympathized with me and then to my utter amazement, my mom asked if I would ever consider homeschooling.  I was literally dumbstruck.  All these weeks, I had been wanting to share this possibility and all my thoughts and research about homeschooling with my mom but had chosen not to yet.  I assumed her reaction would be negative and I did not want it to sway the process.  And then she goes and suggests it to me!  Of course, I shared with her that, yes, we were already considering it.

Not long after that conversation, my parents came for a visit and my dad asked about the homeschooling idea.  He was less enthusiastic than my mom but not adamantly opposed, either.  In the course of our conversation that afternoon, my mom offered to come one afternoon a week to stay with the kids while I took time for myself if we went ahead and home-schooled next year.  That simple offer of tangible support, whether she will actually be able to do it or not, was such an encouragement to me!

When T shared our decision with his sisters recently, one was encouraging while the other was less enthusiastic but not overtly negative.  This was similar to my own sister's reaction.  Our close friends have been supportive, even though to many, the idea of homeschooling is foreign.

Our boys are looking forward to it and our daughter is excited to start Kindergarten.  T has offered to teach the boys science!

I still have to speak to the administration at school to inform them of our decision.  It's silly but I am afraid to do it.  As I've shared, our school experience has been so positive that this last announcement will make it all final.  And, truth be told, it's a little frightening.  Like cutting the apron strings or something- lol!  But it would not be stepping out in trust if there were not an element or at least the perception of danger, would it?  So, very soon, I'll take a deep breath, put faith before fear and let the cat out of the bag at school!

Seven

My little man turned seven yesterday.  

We celebrated with an ice skating party with friends and family on Tuesday afternoon...  

Cupcakes at school on Wednesday afternoon...


And dinner out for the five of us at our local Mexican restaurant, where we celebrate all our birthdays.

Seven!  How can this be?  It seems like yesterday that he was born.  Such a sweet, sweet baby he was.  Even if he did have his days and nights mixed up!  He hasn't lost his sweetness to this day.  I just love him so!  


Happy 7th birthday!!!

It's Beginning to Look A Lot Like Christmas

Preparing our hearts and home for Christmas!

`

Puerto Rico Slideshow

I made a little slideshow of our pictures from Puerto Rico.  I always get frustrated with how pictures load in blogger.  They are always off center from the margins or each other or out of order.   I've used Smilebox a lot to share photos so I figured it would allow me to share our photos here without compromising my sanity.  I also included 2 short and sweet videos of some amazing creatures we experienced there. Have you heard about Hurricane Earl?!?  A snippet from an article quoting guest at the hotel we stayed at: "At El Conquistador Resort in Fajardo, Puerto Rico, people lined up at the reception desk, the lights occasionally flickering, to check out and head to the airport. There, more delays awaited. John and Linda Helton of Boulder, Colorado, opted to ride out the storm. The couple, celebrating their 41st wedding anniversary, finished a cruise Sunday and planned to spend three days in Puerto Rico. "There was a huge line of people checking out as we were coming in, and I thought it was just that summer vacation must be over," said John Helton, a real estate appraiser. "But we paid for the room, so we might as well stick it out." "I don't think we could get a flight even if we wanted to leave," Linda Helton added." We are so thankful to have gotten home before that!

Free digital slideshow personalized with Smilebox

Happy Birthday to Me!

Today is my 40th birthday!

And I couldn't be happier.

Because LOOK WHERE I AM:

       

And look who I am with:

And though a little offended that we dared leave them, look how much fun our 3 are having at home with Papa and Abuelita:

The big 4-0 has got nothing on my blessed life!